As a huge BIG thank you I am hoping you will visit the link below and  take advantage of all the FREE COOL stuff that you can download: 20 humor posters, greeting cards, 3 e-books (including my Rave Recipes-check out the Tortilla Soup). These were the gifts that people got who bought Scrambled Leggs. (Right click and Save as link)

ALL for FREE. If you want to buy the book go to:

www.ScrambledLeggs.Net (I promise you will laugh outloud!)

HERE’s the FREEBIE link:

http://sallyfranz.com/big-bonanza-book-benefit/

More blogs later,

Sally

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 In like a lion.

Al Gore I really wanted to follow you. I really want to forgive you for your less than eco-mansion. But March is not warmer lo, it is not milder. It is colder than a witch’s…titilating subject this weather, eh?

I know global warming can really mean climate swings, but earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis…did my hair spray in the 60s  really cause all of this? Drat you Bee-hive hair doo!

As I once again run outside and throw mulch over my exhurberant daffodils hoping I don’t lose every single blasted bloom out there to a rogue ice storm, I have to wonder how much of this is manmade, how much of this is just Mother Nature going through Menopause? Up-down, hot flashes-chills…it’s like one long year watching Ma Nature learn assertiveness training and getting it wrong. I think we have done the earthqauke thing. Not to mention the rain/ mudslide thing. Is it getting worse, or is the reporting just getting better, or at least more persistent. We do, afterall, have an entire channel dedicated to weather. Maybe they just have to dig up more gale force winds in order to get to the top of the hour.

In the south though, they bring weather dramas to a whole new level.  “Artic Blast in the future…stay tuned!” Okay for the record dropping from 45 to 35 degrees is NOT, I repeat, NOT an Artic Blast. An Artic Blast starts at Zero degrees and goes way down and then you add wind chill. “When I was your age”…but really when I was in college it would be 10 below zero with windchil at 40 below or more. I cut classes once for 4 days. It was, with windchill, minus50 degrees. Most self-respecting penguins would ‘fly’ south (or north from Antartica) at 30 below.Gimme a break!

I had put on long underwear, a ski suit and a snowmobil suit and my nostrils froze together and my eyelids froze nearly shut. I went back to the dorm and lived off the hot chocolate machine and ate those orange peanut butter cracker thingies. I figured I was being sent to college to get smart and it was smart to stay inside.

It was also smart of me to have a genuis roomie who went to every class come hell or high water. She was the kind of kid who would have missed a great party on July 4th if it meant missing Sunday School and not getting her perfect attendance pin for 10 years. She got back from every class and transferred her perfectly written notes into a 5 ring binder on her desk. I rolled out of bed at 11 a.m., read her notes from her (our) 7, 8, and 9am classes. I got As, she got a Bs. Hey, she was a great note taker, but not much on recall.

So, Al, it may not be 50 below, only 30 below up yonder. I don’t see that range melting icebergs. I know they are melting…I saw them 3 years ago, just dropping off the glacier like that cake in McArthur’s Park icing flowing down (how stoned were we that, that song made sense to us?). But I’m cold right NOW even in the south.

So, please concentrate on why pollutants are killing my lungs and the higher rates of cancer and auto-immune diseases. Tell the masses to use local fuel, recycle,  and practice using less hormones in chickens. Do that and I’m yours again. But DON”T tell me it’s getting warmer while I have to use a heating pad on my toes to get to sleep in March while I’m living just shouting distance from South of the Border .

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ADVERTISEMENT: Scrambled Leggs book preview is now available at Amazon. FYI, YouTube reading is at: Scrambled Leggs, Sally Franz (or video #25 above).

ALSO, Check out New Book review at the Cool Stuff column (left on main page here- GREEN). Our own Ray Duarte is published once again!

 Valentine’s Day Made EZ!

With celebs to politicians touting multiple mistresses, like a bad ad for Baskin and Robbins, ya gotta ask, “whazzup with that?”  Dudes, love is a verb, an action verb. Don’t confuse it with a feeling or a body part. Love is as does.

But just to make it REALLY easy…let me give all you guys a handy little tool this Valentine’s Day.

This is what I call:

                                                 Ten Easy Steps to Multiple Sales and One Woman

The concept is simple. If you want to keep a woman happy and loyal ‘ya gotta’ treat her the way you would your very best clients.  Apply these rules to your clients AND your lady and life will be sweet this Valentine’s Day.

1.       If you’re going to be late for an appointment (and dinner at home qualifies) you call.

2.       Special event coming up–contract renewal? (Birthday, Anniversary, Valentine’s Day) send a gift.

3.       Gifts include: What CLIENTS like, their hobbies, collections. Think cigars, but more tasteful.

4.       Review the benefits of going with ‘your outfit’ over your competition, and fulfill those benefits.

5.       Take Customer Service issues seriously. Complaints need to be corrected with swift action.

6.       Introduce new bells and whistles to your product line to keep them coming back to you.

7.       Never share proprietary information with others. Especially if you have an exclusivity clause.

8.       Do not secretly go after their competition as a contingency plan. Service the client you have.

9.       Call them out-of-the-blue to see if there is any way you can improve their experience with you.

10.   If you have to break off the business deal do so in person, with integrity in a win-win fashion.

See how easy this is?

Integrity, respect and a true concern for your client’s success is key. Relationship marketing guarantees commissions. No double dealing, no doubling dipping and no double crossing. Be your customer’s ‘advocate’ making sure your number one job is to service their needs (spoken and unspoken). Exceed their expectations. If you don’t know what that looks like, ask them. Take notes to catch the details and nuances. Use your body language skills. Your personality classes, your close-the deal course. The result is a loyal, harmonious and delightful client relationship (and most likely a pretty hot love life at home in the dividend column).

When in doubt just ask yourself this: If I wanted to gain, maintain, or retain a BIG client what would I be willing to do? Because, guys, a good woman treated well will not only deliver on the happiness, joyful and passionate side, she will probably help you win and keep your business clients too.

And for the record, if you screw over a client and the industry hears about it, kiss your career good-bye. And if that isn’t clear enough for you left-brained, literalist…mess with the love of a woman and everyone in town will know about it by noon. With the internet, it will be worldwide knowledge by close of the day.

Sally Franz

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In the summer, it’s all about sitting on the front veranda and sipping Miny Julips gazing aimlessly at the fields. In February you sit inside sucking back cocoa and watching ice cycles drip.

What a bunch of weenies!

Come on, “in my day we walked to school in 3 foot drifts barefoot!” (Okay, only barefoot if your boot got stuck in a drift.) But snow days had to include 3 inches of ice on top of 6 foot drifts and below ZERO temps. And it had to be all three! Otherwise your mother started wrapping you up within an inch of your life and shoving you out the door with a metal lunchbox at 7 a.m.

Interestingly enough, a study I once read said that northern hemisphere folks think they are more industrious because they do things like go to work and school in temperatures that would keep the devil home. Southern hemisphere folks just sorta take their time about things. The study revealed that both hemispheres produced the same amount of industry, i.e. GNP.  EGADS! CAN THAT BE TRUE?

The reason is with all the wrapping and unwrapping, stomping around to regain blood in the toes, you might as well have stayed home and read a good book. Southerns know how to go with the flow. Turns out fighting the elements tuckers you out.

Now with the internet it makes me ready to concede to the south. You can certainly get as much done at home as at work in most cases. (Ok I don’t want a nurse trying to take my blood pressure online…although I bet that one is possible with today’s technology. )

But for Moms with the kids underfoot, or grandparents who have the little banshees all day for 4 days, there is nothing leisurely with visions of floating magnolia blossom in the fountain–frozen or otherwise. So, may I commend to you, www.BoowaKwala.com. This is an interactive computer game site for kids. Of course this presupposes you have a computer in every room, one that does not have important stuff on it, like contacts and records.It may be worth getting a second laptop, or they may all be swarming like locust on your lap top!

Trust me when I tell you, lo, let technology babysit the blighters.

Or lobby for a town snowplow. I’d offer my kingdom for one, but I am pretty sure they cost at least 2 kingdoms and a half!

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Second AD: If you go to Sally Franz on Facebook I have a photo album of my one-of-a-kind gold and silver jewelry for sale, Geronto Gems.  Items for Christmas are now 20% off with shipping+ included. 

FYI: You will fall off your chair laughing at the newest installment of REAR View Mirror with Marilee. Also, check out Ray Duarte’s  New and Cool stuff!

We now return you to your regularly programmed BLOG. 

 BLOG:

 FIrst of all, I note that the type on this page has shrunk. I apologize. But aren’t you glad to know it is NOT time for another visit to the eye doctor. I will fix this when I am home (soon). (Also, apparently no spell check-rattz)

I am on the road visiting my Aunt and Uncle in Philly. I was born here and it is beautiful. Especially where I am up on the Mainline. The colors autumn through winter are remarkably :just from here”. Deep mustard yellow grasses, bright green lawns and blue slate on walls and homes. Bryn Mar to  Marion rolls with delightful old fords and fences. There’s the devil to pay if you weren’t born here to find your way home. I’ve been all over the world and this one area is so uniqoue, I could be blndfolded and let out here and know where I was. Not so for Tulsa which looks lke Cincinati, or Fairlawn, or even Fresno. . It’s not just the same franchises, and parking lots, it’s he total lack of interesting terrain around the stores.

All that said, I will find myself in the Carolinas by next week. Wow, I have been in North Carolina coming on my third Christmas. I like living in a place where the idea of snow is nostalgic without actually having to deal with the crap. And YES I am wishing folks Merry Cristmas, because it is what I celebrate. I wish people Happy Other Stuff when that shows up on my Girl Scot Calendar.

In fact, I am very fond of religious calendars becaue in adition to Happy Arbor Day I can wish people Blessd St. Swithins Day and with a trivia calenadar I can interupt any conversation with the non-sequitoer, did you know this is “Eat a dill pickle week?” It is particularly nice to have in one’s social quiver if not arsenal if people (men) in the group have spent everyone’s (women) time arguing about hockey, football, or down south… which civil war general was the most strategic…to which I add, apparently, “not eough.”

I am looking forward to eggnog, carols and snuggling by the fireplace. However, I do wish the decorations would simply go away. I am hoping I can fit the artifical tree upright balls and all into the walk-in attic. I suppose my grandchildren will just program their “Ray Bardbury (LCD) walls” to Christmas themes and then come Jan1st punch in Snow scenes. I am not sure if that will be good or bad.

I do know that I have been living in an upscale gerbil farm here at the retirement home with my Aunt and Uncle for only a few days. You could live your last 20 years here and NEVER go outside. I thought that was a good thing, but by day 3 I think I will break out and dance on the wet lawn outside. Like a Sci-Fi world we on the inside are pampered and cared for. Gyms, pools, restaurants, parties, movies, are a stroll away, but maybe a little real drizzle down the neck is healthy.  Lord knows what befalls those outside of the bubble house. Well, I know because we do have cell reception.

My sister just left the idyllic environs of the Happy Home for Retirees. She was  going back to northern Michigan to her family. She was in Detroit for the last 14 hours. snow and sleet bound. I don’t think she likes the real world right now. 

As I said, snow is a lovely idea. But the reality of it should be taken in small amounts, say a few ice cubes at a time in a wassel drink.

Merry Christmas.

Sally

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Second AD: If you go to Sally Franz on Facebook I have a photo album of my one-of-a-kind gold and silver jewelry for sale, Geronto Gems.  Items for Christmas are now 20% off with shipping+ included. 

FYI: You will fall off your chair laughing at the newest installment of REAR View Mirror with Marilee. Also, check out Ray Duarte’s  New and Free stuff!

We now return you to your regularly programmed BLOG.

Conundrum is a great word. Like juxtaposition but without having to compare and contrast the mysteries, lo, riddles of life. And oy vey what a year of quagmire it has been. I find I am befuddled, enfeebled and flabbergasted simultaneously. And zowza, am I qualmish on every front. Is this the result of old age or the burrito with jalepenos I had for lunch?

Where to begin?

We saw a black President elected and political optimism spiked three whole seconds and then life went on as usual. I confess I am dating a Republican, a southern one at that, and though we argue on details we agree that once anyone gets to an elected office there is so much corruption that everyone looks and acts the same. But at least my local politics is interesting. Two women got elected too our town council here for the first time! That is either because women heretofore had the common sense to stay out of the fray, or because down south is finally leaving the 1950s behind and growing the %$# up.

Globally we are hearing that in something like 10 years there will be enough Muslims to vote in their own US President. See there ya go…zero population coming around to bite us in the butt. The establishment folks have 1.5-2.0 kids and everyone else in the world is having a ga-jillion. I am glad I am not a conservative Musilim who came to the US for sanctuary and freedom for my kids, especially my daughters. I bet those folks are being slapped around to join the militants…the bully militants they ran away from (See the movie “Kite Runner”). Can you imagine leaving al you had for freedom and the same thungs just moved in next door and YOU are guilty by association?

Then there is the world of petty annoyances. I saw a key chain ‘fob’ that had a cartoon with a woman saying, “We all know one:  a yoga practicing, vegetarian, democrat, five minutes away from bankruptcy.” That is a good example of why it is hard some days to live down south. This uppity $#@% with hert entitlement narrow thinking. Hey, I eat vegetables, I’m a democrat, I can do partial lotus flower position after a few Pina Coldas and I bet cha without your Sugar Daddy’s money I am worth more than you! Okay, I realize I am now yelling at a cartoon. But I am up to my Mint Juliep in this debutant mindset (oops one of their own got busted for selling cocaine this year) of being special…as in ‘more special’ than others based solely on their lineage and on nothing they have done! HOT TIP to all you Steel (and rusting) Magnolias: Being borm to privielege does NOT make you special or interesting. I think there should be a ceremony for 30 year olds who have accomplished something in their own right. Call it the paycheck award.

Then of course we finish the year off with Tiger Woods driving off his own drive way. No one is talking, but it is clear someone had a wee spat and drove off in a blinding huff. I’ve been there and have the body shop invoice to prove it. The real question wasn’t IF they had a fight. The real question is when did his wife learn to swing a club? And did she swing that club before he drove off or to later to rescue him. And was it his Big Betha or his little light weght putter? Wandering mings want to know.

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Whether it’s Aunt Gladdy Gotsalots, Nephew Neville the Nascar Nut or Weird Willy the Wino who lives in a tent somewhere in Beverly Hills Yakaboutit.com has a gadget or gizmo right for the job. Face it, everybody has challenges with space, laundry, animals, etc. and the last thing you want to do is give your relatives, boss, neighbor the same gift they got last year or received 10 of this year. And nobody you love should have to return things…REALLY! Returning gifts is worse than buying gifts.

And at Yakaboutit.com you can select the item you want, charge it and have it sent directly to the person on your list in minutes anytime night or day. That’s right… a few minutes, a credit card and viola your shopping is O-V-E-R.

Please tell me you are shopping online this year. All the boomers have had about 10 years to get used to this idea. If you are still freaked out about credit card fraud, get a card just for this season, use it over 3 days and cancel it. There are so many wonderful sites that will make your life easier. Just google what you want and pick a site that has it.

The reason I love shopping online is that it lets me get back to my life and out of long lines. I am ’so over’ the attitude of shopgirls who roll their eyes because I asked if an item came in human sizes (not 0-2), a color that matched more than a black light poster or if it could be shipped (”Yeah, we could ship it…but it’s like a real hassle to fill out the forms and I am really busy here, so you’ll have to come back tomorrow around 1 p.m. when it’s not so busy.”) Okay, does anyone explain to clerks in their 15 minutes of training that if you tick off a customer they actually won’t come back when it is convenient for them? Ergo, no sale, no income, no salary for them.

The reason this of course comes up is that the Friday after Thanksgiving is the busiest annual shopping day of the year. It is enough to make you lose your entire Thanksgiving dinner. And if I read the papers correctly it is the only day of the year that inventory can be guaranteed, and that before 10am on that one day. Some places have their Christmas Specials early. That is if you are ’specia’l enough to get up at 4am…not a typo, 4 A M! as in ‘before roosters get up’.

I for one did most of my shopping in August and what is left will all be done online. I really want Christmas to be a day of peace and joy and it would be nice if all of December had a tone of relaxation to it.

So plan ahead for the Holidays and make them relaxing. Oh and HOT TIP: if you have teenagers on your list it’s easy, send them money. Seriously, you don’t want to listen to the CDs they want and you won’t approve of their hooker/gangsta apparel. For everyone else, let your mouse do the walking.

If you do that you will have a great deal to be thankful for this season.

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I have just gotten wind about a great nostalgic musical on Broadway, The Marvelous Wonderettes (yeah, I know it’s a long way away for some of you, but you can buy the CD). I love this music. Mr. Sandman, Lipstick on Your Collar, Lollypop. One thing you can say about the music of the 50s is that it was upbeat. Even the songs about the blues had harmony and refrains I can still remember.

In fact, I sang Lipstick on Your Collar with my friend Tina in our fourth grade “Show and Tell”. We had practiced every single day for hours the summer before until her mother banished us to the backyard. I don’t know why parents had trouble with repetition and budding genius back then, hmmm? I was in one more “rock and roll” group before giving up my musical career–the final group being the “Trangressors” with Dave and Steve. Then I was onto folk music…rowing that boat ashore, hanging my head down and waiting for Stuball to come in first.

Anyway, Mrs. Mozoleski, our fourth grade teacher was not amused. How can you resist? We had all the dance moves down in unison. Geez, we even choreographed the sucker ourselves. I think I had a note go home to my mother that elaborated on the inappropriate nature of the song. Hey, I had older sisters who were dating and making-out in front of the house. I’d been around (ok, around the bushes spying).  But I wanted to be all grown up and wailing on some guy about the wrong shade lipstick…”then I noticed yours was red, mine was baby pink”.

So if you are in the mood for ‘Holidays in the Big Apple’, go to the website: www.marvelouswonderettes.com and buy enough tickets for the whole family. I have seen the trailers and the Youtube video and I am psyched about the idea of seeing this musical.

The reason I love this musical is it is fun. It is upbeat. It is innocent. It includes the audience and it makes you feel good. In the ‘daze’ of war and recession I don’t think it would kill ya to lighten up for a few hours and let your heart sing. Studies show that music is held in the right brain. The right brain is your creative side. More time in your right brain means more time for your brain to problem solve your  sit-chi-a-shun (as in, “what a revolting development this is”). Maybe we should send all of Congress to see this. And as a pre-Holiday bonus… go to our FREE STUFF catalog where we will post coupons for discount tickets for The Marvelous Wonderettes.

These are sing-out-loud in your car songs and you deserve to be happy at least in traffic. If you can’t find your 45s, or a record player, or those stupid little yellow plastic whirly-gigs that go in the middle of the 45s…does anyone even know the name of those gizmos? I say, get this re-make of the 50s music on your i-pod, phone, CD and let your heart sing for all its worth. Honestly, the Marvelous Wonderettes do more than justice to these old tunes, they offer intricate harmonies, fresh comical interpretations and all with the energy I hope I had when I was in High School and can only reminisce about now.

And yes, I know this is like listening to your parents with their Benny Goodman records scratching along on Sunday afternoons on the Victrola. In fact, Benny Goodman is sounding pretty good to me these days too.

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