NEWS FLASH: See BRAND NEW Scrambled Leggs YOUTUBE(S) SEE above # 26 and #27.  Just more of the same hilarious rantings about being paralyzed and held hostage in a rehab hospital. If you’re up for a joint replacement…you might want to watch these/read the book. Hey FYI: thanks for the all new book orders at Amazon- awesome!

 In like a lion.

Al Gore I really wanted to follow you. I really want to forgive you for your less than eco-mansion. But March is not warmer lo, it is not milder. It is colder than a witch’s…titilating subject this weather, eh?

I know global warming can really mean climate swings, but earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis…did my hair spray in the 60s  really cause all of this? Drat you Bee-hive hair doo!

As I once again run outside and throw mulch over my exhurberant daffodils hoping I don’t lose every single blasted bloom out there to a rogue ice storm, I have to wonder how much of this is manmade, how much of this is just Mother Nature going through Menopause? Up-down, hot flashes-chills…it’s like one long year watching Ma Nature learn assertiveness training and getting it wrong. I think we have done the earthqauke thing. Not to mention the rain/ mudslide thing. Is it getting worse, or is the reporting just getting better, or at least more persistent. We do, afterall, have an entire channel dedicated to weather. Maybe they just have to dig up more gale force winds in order to get to the top of the hour.

In the south though, they bring weather dramas to a whole new level.  “Artic Blast in the future…stay tuned!” Okay for the record dropping from 45 to 35 degrees is NOT, I repeat, NOT an Artic Blast. An Artic Blast starts at Zero degrees and goes way down and then you add wind chill. “When I was your age”…but really when I was in college it would be 10 below zero with windchil at 40 below or more. I cut classes once for 4 days. It was, with windchill, minus50 degrees. Most self-respecting penguins would ‘fly’ south (or north from Antartica) at 30 below.Gimme a break!

I had put on long underwear, a ski suit and a snowmobil suit and my nostrils froze together and my eyelids froze nearly shut. I went back to the dorm and lived off the hot chocolate machine and ate those orange peanut butter cracker thingies. I figured I was being sent to college to get smart and it was smart to stay inside.

It was also smart of me to have a genuis roomie who went to every class come hell or high water. She was the kind of kid who would have missed a great party on July 4th if it meant missing Sunday School and not getting her perfect attendance pin for 10 years. She got back from every class and transferred her perfectly written notes into a 5 ring binder on her desk. I rolled out of bed at 11 a.m., read her notes from her (our) 7, 8, and 9am classes. I got As, she got a Bs. Hey, she was a great note taker, but not much on recall.

So, Al, it may not be 50 below, only 30 below up yonder. I don’t see that range melting icebergs. I know they are melting…I saw them 3 years ago, just dropping off the glacier like that cake in McArthur’s Park icing flowing down (how stoned were we that, that song made sense to us?). But I’m cold right NOW even in the south.

So, please concentrate on why pollutants are killing my lungs and the higher rates of cancer and auto-immune diseases. Tell the masses to use local fuel, recycle,  and practice using less hormones in chickens. Do that and I’m yours again. But DON”T tell me it’s getting warmer while I have to use a heating pad on my toes to get to sleep in March while I’m living just shouting distance from South of the Border .

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