My mother used to say, it’s raining cats and dogs. Well, it is this month! See The ‘Rear’ View to hear all about my audition for CATS!

Meanwhile, March went out like a lion. I hear there are places near Petosky that the Groundhogs are just packing up and leaving. With all the shenanigans going on in politics can April Fools’ Day now be every day this month? Can it please, pretty please with ice cream on top? And so a month o’ fun begins. (Geez, poor Britany Spears can’t even get press anymore compared to our sleeze-bucket leaders, she’s beginning to look like Rebecca-of-Sunnybrook-Freakin-Farms.)

April 15th may be when taxes are due, but I am calling it National Tax Accountability Day! Rightee-o, I sent you XYZ dollars of taxes last year, that’s income to you. Why am I sending you more money when I have no idea what you did with last year’s allowance from me? Does it say, ATM on my forehead (A Taxable Moron)? Hey, my kids had to at least make their beds or knock out a tooth to get a quarter. And, no, I do not consider growing the national debt something of an accomplishment. I have my own deficit growing right here at home. That is pretty easy thanks to the credit card companies and China.

But back to the national debt and MY taxes. Just like all the scientist who are spreading out the research of the gene helix, let’s all take a part of the National Budget (with a side helping of state and county budgets) and dig in with sharp steak knives. I get dibs on the part of the budget that spends money on potpourris , staff training, and paper towel dispensers–things I know a little about. Everybody jump in here. Simply demand to see the national budget for things such as paper napkins, jet engines, fresh cut flowers, or toilet bowl brushes. Let’s make it a contest. If you can find a better, cheaper vendor of the same quality who can offer their product for 20% less then you don’t have to pay your taxes this year! (Don’t worry your gain is your local political rep bribe loss, aw, too bad!)

Meanwhile, what is the deal with the bribe of Americans to like the Republicans again? Did you just call me a whore? Is this like the punch line, “we know what you are madame, now we are haggling over the price?” Six hundred dollars? I know what, I am almost a senior citizen, so can I have my bribe in cheddar cheese, powdered milk and gas coupons?

And how do you like the title ‘Senior’. I can get 20% off if I am over 55 on Tuesdays at Ross, but you’re not old enough for full retirement or Medicare. Is this like the 1960s when you were “old enough to go to war, but not for voting”? Barry McQuire where are you? My friendMarilee had a dishwasher repairman out because the handle was hard to open. His reply, “Well, it is a bit hard for elderly folks to grasp these handles.” She reports she is still gasping. It was only last month that she came to terms with the word ‘old’ now she has to try to wrap her mind around ‘elderly’. Yikes! Stripes! Old? We got ‘em!

Meanwhile a lovely website www.Goinggreyblog.com did a neat piece on me as A-Person-to-be-Admired’. They were so very delicate suggesting that I was on my way to middle-age. Boomers, show of hands here. I am 57. If I am still ‘on my way’ I may not hit middle-age until I am 60. That means somebody will have to keep me on life-support until I am 120! (Now in my best Craig Ferguson…”I know!”)

Meanwhile…

ARE YOU A CAT LOVER? CAN YOU TEACH ME HOW? BECAUSE I’M HAVING A BIT OF A TIME HERE. All advice welcome. Click on “The Rear View” section to your left. Or did I mention that? Ah, cymbalta the answer to senility. You still forget things, but you don’t give a Rats Patoohey!

ARE YOU A CHOCOLATE LOVER? (No, you don’t need to teach me on this one.) See my newest contest all about leftover Chocolate Easter Bunnies (an oxymoron???). Thanks to Cara Emerson for the inspiration on this one!

Later, come what May,

Sally

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